By the age of 25, I was watching videos and reading articles about courageous individuals who came out to their family and they can accept them for who their children are. But life isn’t that breezy for everyone either. I’ve read articles about parents abandoning their kids, throwing them out of the house etc. Most of these individuals came out at an early age and it seems that they can put themselves back together before they hit a certain age and get back on track.
I came out to my family about almost a year ago; to my siblings first, followed by some of the close friends. My sisters took it in rationally and the elder one even said, “I’m not dumb to not know that my brother is gay”.
My brother didn’t take it well though. He said that he doesn’t understand the whole situation and will try to make sense of it, but he made a stern warning that this news doesn’t reach my mother. Deep down inside, that point in time, I felt that he was selfish. I would want my mother to know so that I can behave and share stories with my mother, just like how I used to share stories with her every day. I respected that decision of his and kept mum.
As much as I kept my mouth shut about my relationship, I wasn’t discreet with my social media posts. A picture paints a thousand words. I did not caption my photos in the way that to show that we are in a relationship (though some of them do have #love and ❤ in them), I am basically publicizing them to the public about myself.
At some point, my mother had figured it out but decided to keep mum about it. Ignoring that fact that his son is gay. She kept quiet about it until one day, my aunt blurt it out. She blurted it out because my mother was talking about one of my relatives who’s a lesbian. I felt that she was taken about it when others got to know about it. In fact, everyone knew but just kept that news to themselves.
As of now, she’s acting cold and decided to not talk to me. I am taking it all in and I’m going to go on with my life because I know one day, she will come around.
Things have been going sideways ever since I hit 28. A lot of emotional roller coaster rides of my own dues, repercussions of the past etc. But one wise soul told me that if life has been smooth for you, beware of the turmoil that comes right after. Nothing is smooth sailing in life. There’s another wise man who told me his life story that made me tear and made me realized that if I go through all these hardships now, it will make me a better person. A much wiser individual who will have a better perspective on life. Yes, I am a nobody now, with no positive adjectives that can describe me, but few years down the road, who knows.
One more thing I learned is that every action has a consequence; a repercussion. I may not like it, but I must stand up and keep on moving because if I don’t, who will? People around me can only support, but it boils down to whether I want to move on, or just admit defeat.